Awakening
by raaaaaaek
Summary: It's been standing in front of her for all this time. When will Olivia finally take notice? Eventual A/O. Rated M for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**Olivia's POV**

It was weird when she first showed up. Another woman was stepping into my territory. And I instinctively put up my defense. The tension between us was palpable from the first moment we met. I had no intentions of becoming her friend and made no secret that I wasn't happy about her joining our happy little family. It's hard enough holding your ground in this field, and it's ten times harder when you're a woman but I managed. And then she sauntered in here looking all perfect in her dress shirts and pencil skirts, catching the eyes of every person in the squad room. Alex Cabot. Assistant District Attorney and infamous Ice Queen. She irked me from the first moment we met. But things soon changed as I watched her work and slowly become a part of our family, here.

I suppose the first time I really started softening up to the idea was the first time I watched Alex Cabot in the courtroom. She was forceful, yet graceful – but she commanded attention from every head sitting in that room. She was sophisticated. She demanded respect. She had control of the entire room. She was so sure of herself and everything she was saying. The passion that haunted each word of her carefully structured sentences sent chills up my spine. As I sat there and watched her address the jury about the case, I remember thinking to myself that maybe I could be just a little easier on the new ADA.

Our early encounters, looking back on them now although they weren't all that long ago, were more like subtle battles for control. Battles in which each of us refused to step down, and neither accepted defeat. It didn't take long for her to start giving in to calling in a favor for me or bending over backwards just a little further on a case. I took it as her silent way of telling me she gets it. Whatever _it_ is, anyway. I never was sure. But I soon had her as good as wrapped around my finger and I could tell that whenever I asked her for a favor and she stared at me just a little too long with those chilling blue eyes that she was saying '_I'm doing this for you_.'

The more I watched her work, the more she gained my respect. That's a big thing with me. The next came trust, and I trusted her as much as you could trust an ADA. Somewhere along the lines, I'm not sure where, we became friends. I remember the first time I saw her smile, something that I was unsure she was capable of. It was the first time we went out as a group for drinks after a particularly grueling day. It was the first time that I saw her as a person. I couldn't really be positive about that until I actually saw her experience something that resembled human emotion. For the longest time I thought she was just a crime-fighting cyborg. But she proved me wrong. In a lot of ways. And somewhere along the line she escalated from annoyance to acquaintance to one of the gang to friend to... what had Elliot called it? My _work wife_.

Ever since we started allowing our relationship to reach outside the lines of our work, things have been different. Not with Alex, but with Elliot. I catch him staring at me with a stupid grin on his face from time to time, and that doesn't even begin half of it. The jokes with sexual subtext have been flying from his mouth like a half-bit comedian each time there's a lull in the work day and Alex has shown up to shoot the breeze and enjoy the quiet before the storm of another case. Every time I find myself in that familiar situation – Alex leaning up against my desk, me in my chair, I see him staring at us out of the corner of my eye. I try to bring it up to him sometimes, but he just shakes his head and smiles. Even Fin and Munch have gotten sucked into whatever world he's in now. I'm beginning to feel like there's some sort of inside joke going around the squad room. And it's starting to seem like I'm at the end of it.

**Alex's POV**

For all of my life I've reveled in the feeling of control. No matter what situation was thrown at me, I would grab it with two hands and take complete reign over it all. When I was assigned to SVU a little over two years ago, I went in head first. No fear. They can smell that kind of thing there. I had earned and lived up to the reputation of being the impenetrable Ice Queen. I was ready for whatever was going to be thrown at me. Give me the hardest case you've got, I'll handle it. Let the guys in the squad room give me a hard time and try to get a rise out of me. They'll be walking away with their tail between their legs. Shove a beautiful brunette right in front of my face. I'll lose my mind.

They didn't teach you anything about this in law school. Nothing I learned there had prepared me for the whirlwind I was about to get pulled up into. From the first moment I laid my eyes on her, she had me. This was one I had no handle on. At first she was cold. She gave me a hard time. I stepped up to the challenge and broke those walls down. I knew it would be the courtroom that got her. I put on an extra little show just for her. I could feel her eyes on me as I paced back and forth in front of the jury, arguing my case. I could tell that she doubted me and everything that I was about. It's tough trying to work your way into such a tight-knit group. But the moment I let my passion flow on that floor, that tough cop, rough exterior show she was putting on for me was done for.

I knew that she was passionate the first time we argued about a case. The first time she asked me to make a call to tip the scales in her favor. It's a lot messier out there in the field. I know that. And at first I respected her for all her passion and dedication to her work. Now? Well, I adore her. Nothing wrenches my heart more than a broken Olivia Benson, beating herself up and holding herself personally responsible for a suffering victim or an abuser that evaded justice. I still respect her. That respect is what lead me to want to get to know her. And after a little over two years, she has finally let me in. That's all I've wanted for two years. For her to accept me. Take me as I am. And let me in. She was a tough one to crack, but there was never a doubt in my mind that I'd eventually gain her trust and the lines between work-mate and friend would blur.

If there's one thing that's wrong with Olivia Benson, it's how blind she is when it comes to her own life. To anything concerning her in general that doesn't involve crime. Her entire life has revolved around catching the bad guy and serving justice that she's relinquished all hope for a personal life. Her partner can see it. I see the way he looks at her when I come around and it makes me glad that at least one of them is paying attention to the attention that I'm giving her. It's dangerous, and something that I should be ignoring entirely. But I challenge anyone to spend as much time as I do with someone like her and not fall under her spell.

Now that we've crossed the line into friendship, I can't help but be left wanting more. She's been haunting my thoughts for so long now, it's a wonder that I haven't driven myself insane yet. I'm sure I can't be the only one to almost see the sexual tension that can rise between us at times. It's unbelievable that she hasn't caught onto it. I find it uncanny that she can act the way she does around me without even questioning that maybe she's leading me on – taking one step too far into something that she isn't willing to follow through with. But that's what I like about her. She never leaves anything unfinished. I have knowingly and willingly stepped into something that I have no control over. I have handed my heart over to the detective. And she has no idea.


	2. Chapter 2

It was a surprisingly slow day for SVU which meant that the detectives had plenty of time for the worst part of the job: paperwork. It was boring. And exhausting. Olivia had loaded her body with coffee that day but to no avail. She found herself slumped over at her desk, staring at a piece of paper and reading the same line over and over again without making much sense of it. Her vision soon blurred and she felt her eyes slowly beginning to snap shut when a sudden disturbance at the side of her head jolted her back from dreamland to the dull reality of the day.

"El. Quit it," she instantly said as she straightened herself out, grabbing the paper airplane that had hit her on the side of the head and crumbling the paper in her fist. She didn't need to look around to see the guilty face of the person that had thrown it. Elliot had been messing with her all day – something he liked to do when they had down time.

"Bet you wouldn't yell at your work wife if _she_ threw it at you," he retorted with much amusement as he teased his partner, swinging from side to side in his chair like a five year old. It was rare to see him with his defenses down and his goof intact, but being left by yourself at a desk for too long can do things to you.

"Why d'you keep messin' with me like this, El? Huh? I think you'd be nice enough to clue me in on what's been so damn funny by now," she shot back, her words sharp on her tongue. As her eyes met Elliot's, her features softened. Those baby blues always did get to her. She sat back in her chair, her hands folded across her stomach, and sighed. "I'm sorry."

"You know what I think you should do?" Elliot asked, turning his chair so he was now facing Olivia.

"What do you think I should do?"

"I think you should call your work wife."

As soon as he finished his sentence he was hit with the Olivia Benson death glare. Lucky enough for him he'd spent enough time with her to become immune. The only thing it got out of him was a bout of affectionate laughter.

"No. Really, Liv," he began as he rose out of his chair and headed over to her desk. "She makes you happy. You're friends or whatever. I get it." He paused for a moment, his mouth opened as if he was going to continue on, but opted for the safer of the two choices floating around in his head and started his walk out of the squad room. Just before he reached the end of the aisle he turned around and caught Olivia's attention again.

"Call her," he mouthed with much emphasis before turning around and making his exit.

"'Or something,'" Olivia said to herself as her brows furrowed. "What does that even mean?" she asked as she thoughtlessly reached for her phone sitting on the desk in front of her. She flipped it open and made the short trip with her fingers through her phone's menu and phone book to Alex's number. She stared at it for a few moments, her thumb hovering over the call button, before she pressed it and brought the phone up to her ear.

"Cabot," came a voice shortly after a few rings on the other line.

"It's me," Olivia replied instinctively, leaning back in her chair once again as her eyes traveled to the ceiling.

"Hey Liv," Alex said, smiling into the phone. Her voice warmed as soon as she realized it was the detective on the other line.

"Slow day, huh?"

"Oh, don't jinx it," Alex instantly replied, hovered over her desk equipped with a pen in her hand, scribbling away with the phone attached to her ear with the other.

"Are you busy?" she asked curiously, not wanting to disturb the ADA if she was in the middle of something. "I can call back later if you are, no big deal."

"No, no." Alex finished what she was writing and dropped the pen with a sigh. She leaned back in her chair, her back aching after being hunched over her desk for quite some time and the dull pain of a headache starting to pulse in her temples. "I was just wrapping some paperwork up in my office. Why, what's up?"

"Nothing," she replied, her voice light but unsure. She paused for a moment before she smiled and breathlessly laughed. "It's just... it's stupid. El's been on my case lately and it's been getting to me a little, I guess."

A smirk grew on Alex's lips at the thought of Elliot teasing Olivia, still standing clueless and in the dark, from his desk across the way. "Well I'm sure he meant nothing of it," Alex offered up for comfort, sliding her glasses off of her face and twisting them around in her fingers. "Hey, are you doing anything later? I was thinking we could grab a drink after work or something. If you aren't busy."

A smile glazed over Olivia's face as she spun her chair from side to side. She hated to admit it, but Elliot was right and she was glad that she had listened to him and called Alex. Her friend did make her happy, and the propositioning of drinks after work with Alex made her even happier.

"Count me in," she finally replied, after what seemed like an eternity of silence for Alex.

"Fantastic." She paused. Alex could just see Olivia fiddling at her desk, wearing something cute as always. She hadn't seen the detective at all that day, which was a rarity, and had found herself missing the brunette almost hoping that a case dropped in their laps that called for her presence.

"Well, I guess I'll let you get back to your paperwork," Olivia finally said against her will. She had no desire to get off of the phone with Alex, but couldn't think of anything else to say. Even sitting in silence with her on the phone would be nice, but it felt weird and almost inappropriate to do something like that at work. Olivia pinned it all on the fact that she'd use anything as an excuse to get out of the paperwork that sat before her.

"Alright," Alex stated simply, finding herself almost blushing at the awkward, yet adorable, woman on the other line.

"Talk to you later," Olivia said, ready to pull the phone away from her ear and end the call.

"Liv?" Alex called after a brief moment, causing the brunette to push the phone back to her ear.  
"Yeah?" she asked, sounding so eager it almost made her cringe.

Alex laughed, audibly this time.

"Nevermind. I'll catch you later," she said, shaking her head to herself as she hung up the phone.

Olivia snapped her phone shut and threw it down onto the desk. Why was everybody laughing at her? What had suddenly become so funny about her? Had Alex been laughing at her or something else? She was sure that Alex would at least tell her if there was some big joke going around about her that she had just so happened to be let out of. She grudgingly looked down at her desk at the small stack of paperwork that was left for her to finish, noting that whatever was going on was the least of her troubles. If she didn't get that paperwork finished, she wouldn't be around anymore to find out the answers to her questions.

* * *

An hour later and what seemed to be the impossible earlier was now possible as she finished the last bit of the horrid paperwork. She threw her pen down with a relieved sigh and repeatedly balled her hand into a fist to relieve the tension and cramping that had made itself known about halfway to the finish line. Elliot had come back quietly and had remained that way since his return. She eyed him suspiciously. The only thing she hated more than Elliot teasing her was Elliot when he was completely silent.

"You call her?" he asked without looking up from whatever he was doing at his desk.

"Shut up," she retorted from her side of the ring.

"You called her," he said casually, a smile threatening to break though at any moment as he pictured his partner's displeased expression.

"So?" she asked, letting her curiosity get the better of her, not to mention fighting against Elliot's incessant teasing was becoming tiring.

"And?" he asked expectantly, dragging his eyes away from his desk to look over at Olivia.

"And we're going out for drinks later. What, you wanna come or something?" she questioned as she stood, stretching her legs for the first time in what felt like forever.

"Has it suddenly become a crime to be curious at what your partner's up to?"

"I don't know, I feel I should be asking the same question," she said, a brow raised.

"Liv, I don't know what you're talking about," he said a bit rushed, directing his attention towards his desk once more.

Olivia walked over to his desk and looked down at him as he picked up his pen and started writing, his chicken scratch barely able to be made out on the paper.

"You know, it's getting' old, El. I wish you'd tell me what's up with you lately 'cause I know it's not nothin'." She stood there for a moment more, looking down at him in silence. She didn't expect him to say anything. He never said anything when she was talking to him about this. Whatever _this_ was. "I'll see you later," she added as she began to walk away.

"I'm sure you'll find out soon enough," he muttered, another smile tempting to grace his lips once more. He loved Olivia with all his heart and regarded her with all the respect he had, but it was times like these where he couldn't help but think about how dense she could be, especially when it came to matters that involved herself.

* * *

She found herself standing in front of the ADA's office. She wasn't sure how she got there, her feet just sort of carried her without permission. What she was sure of is that she was sure to go crazy if she stayed at her desk for another moment. If she stared down at another piece of paper, read another word, she would lose her mind. And the sight she saw when she peeked her head through the cracked door was enough to make her forget about whatever she had been so unsure about just moments ago.

There was the Ice Queen herself, lounging back in her chair with her glasses resting on the tip of her nose while her legs were propped up on her desk, her shoes dangling off her toes. Even when at rest she still wore the unmistakable face of determination that continued to have it's effect even without the piercing blue eyes. Olivia took a moment to take in the scene and enjoy it while it lasted before she noisily pushed open the door and cleared her throat.

Alex snapped upright immediately, her shoes flying off and landing on her desk, her glasses falling off into her lap and her eyes opening to catch Olivia entering her office. Even if she wanted to, she couldn't catch the blush from gracing her cheeks and touching her neck lightly.

"You know you better watch yourself if you want to keep the whole impenetrable Ice Queen thing you've got goin' on around here, Counselor," Olivia told her with a small smile of satisfaction as she shut the door behind her before slumping down into the chair in front of Alex's desk.

Alex looked like a deer caught in headlights and cleared her throat, attempting to grasp any professionalism that she had left after being caught in that scene while she grabbed the black frames from her lap and put them back on her face. "I was just... resting my ey-"

"You were taking a nap," Olivia butted in before Alex could finish trying to justify what she had been caught doing.

Alex paused with her mouth open. Her eyes narrowed and she broke out with a smile and a laugh. "I was taking a nap," she repeated after Olivia, nodding her head. "Promise you won't tell?" she asked, doubt evident in her voice. She know Olivia wasn't going to let her down, but she really didn't want anybody else walking around, thinking she did normal things like napping. It would make her seem more like a human being, and that certainly didn't fit into the whole persona she had going on around there.

"I'll think about it," Olivia offered, crossing her legs and getting comfortable in the chair. Her eyes then settled into another moment-too-long gaze, locked in by Alex's blue eyes. At first, it used to make her feel nervous – like the ADA was studying her like she did a case before she presented it in court. But now, she felt comforted by it. She felt safe. Calm.

Alex only broke away to look at the watch on her wrist, returning to look at the warm brown eyes again.

"You want to get out of here?" Alex finally spoke, breaking the silence between them. The day had been slow and she was sure that nothing was going to come their way. If it did, they were always a phone call and a car ride away.

A shameless smile grew across Olivia's lips and she tilted her head a bit, her eyes faltering from the blonde's for a moment as a sudden wave of nerves washed over her coming from a place unknown.

"Yeah, c'mon," she replied, rising from her seat. She took a step forward and scooped the shoes up from the desk, dangling them from her fingers in front of Alex's face.

Alex looked up at her with a somewhat bashful grin, the embarrassment of the scene she had been caught in just minutes ago washing over her again. "Thank you," she said quietly before she took the shoes from Olivia and set them on the ground, sliding her feet into them and standing up from her chair.

"Don't worry, Ice Queen. Your secret's safe with me," Olivia said as she turned and walked towards the door. "For now," she called over her shoulder just as she opened the door and stepped out, eager to get rid of this place and have her mind focus on something other than work for a while. If that was even possible.

Alex bent down to grab her briefcase before following Olivia out the door.

"You don't even know the half of it, Detective," she muttered, allowing herself to fully enjoy the view as she followed Olivia out of the building.


	3. Chapter 3

"Alex, where are you going?" Olivia asked seeing that Alex was headed to her car instead of the bar, as planned.

"Oh, I don't know, Liv. I don't feel like being in a social setting too much, tonight," she replied as she continued walking, showing no signs of stopping.

Olivia set into a light jog to catch up to Alex, slowing as she neared.

"So our plans are canceled?" she inquired, looking over at the ADA as they continued their walk. Olivia could feel her heart begin to wilt at the thought of spending another night by herself, doing absolutely nothing in her apartment. She had been eagerly awaiting her plans with Alex all day and was doing her best to attempt to mask the disappointment slowly coming over her, but with little success.

"Well, our plans to go get a drink at the bar are canceled," she informed her as she stopped at the curb next to her car. Alex turned to face Olivia, resting against the window of the passenger seat. "But you haven't even given me a chance to invite you back to my place," she added with a smug smile upon noticing Olivia's disappointment. The detective could put up the tough front all she wanted, but it was during their moments alone that Alex had realized she wore her heart on her sleeve. It just took one glance longer than normal for anyone to figure that out, if they looked hard enough.

"Are you sure? I don't want to impose and you're obviously tired. I should probably just head home and try to wind down, watch a movie or so-"

"Liv," Alex said forcefully, causing the detective to leave her sentence hanging. "Come back to my place. We'll have a few beers, talk about something other than work for once, and I'll make us some dinner," she said nonchalantly, as if shelling out an invitation like this to Olivia happened every other day.

Olivia stood there for a moment, just looking at her. "You _cook_?" she exclaimed as if dumbfounded that the ADA had any talents that were useful outside of the courtroom.

"Well. No. I'll _order_ us some dinner," she corrected herself with a roll of her eyes, taking her keys to unlock and open the passenger side door. She looked back at Olivia, door wide open. "Coming?"

Going out for drinks with Alex after work was one thing. Grabbing some lunch together during their break, no big deal. But she had never been invited to Alex's place before, and to be honest she was curious to see how she lived. Would her apartment reflect the character that she saw at the precinct, or would she be another woman entirely? The invitation caught her by surprise, yes. And it caused her nerves to become just a little more intense. For what reason? Olivia didn't know. But she knew she couldn't turn down an offer to see how Alex lived. If it was as ridiculous as she had imagined, she was sure the guys would get a kick out of hearing it.

"Okay," she replied softly, sparing a small smile as she walked to the car and sat down. Alex closed the door once she was in the car and stood still for a second. She couldn't stop herself from smiling. She walked around the back of the car, unlocked the door and opened it. In the second it took for her to get into the car and sit down behind the steering wheel, she wiped any place of the smile clean from her face. Olivia Benson wasn't getting her as simple as that. Alex wasn't that easy.

* * *

The building itself was extravagant. High class. When Olivia finally got over the exterior and entered the building, she immediately felt out of place. She always felt out of place when Alex was involved. The woman was way out of her league in every aspect that sometimes she sat and marveled at how they had become good friends. The doorman let them in, the people behind the desk greeted Alex by name and when the elevator operator pressed the button for the top floor, Olivia knew that she was about to be welcomed into the best apartment in the building.

The elevator ride was quiet. But not uncomfortable. Outside of the courtroom, Alex was a woman of few words. She took comfort in the silence, instead of feeling embarrassed. She didn't set off a vibe that made Olivia feel the need to fill the silence with useless ramblings. She liked that she could be with Alex and just enjoy being in her company instead of worrying about what she was thinking during their momentary lapse in conversation.

The bell sounded and the doors slid open. Alex was the first to move out with Olivia close on her tail. As she paused to unlock her door, Olivia took the chance to look around seeing that her door was the only one on the floor.

"Top floor penthouse, huh?"

Alex turned the key and opened the door, motioning for Olivia to step inside. "It's the best," she said with a grin. She closed and locked the door behind her and turned around to see Olivia slowly making her way further into the apartment, studying her surroundings.

"So. Does it get the Olivia Benson seal of approval?" she asked, her hands on her hips, weight on one leg as she lightly ground the heel of her shoe into the floor.

It was much more reserved than she had expected. Less extravagant, less showy. It felt like a home. Everything was neat and tidy. Olivia was sure that Alex had someone come and look after the place while she was at work, but it felt like the Alex Cabot that Olivia was getting to see more and more.

She slowly turned around to face Alex and found her looking quite expectantly at the detective. Once again her deep brown eyes got caught up in the ice blue of Alex's for just a moment before they were ripped away and pulled down to pay some attention to the figure that stood before her. Jacket in hand, blue dress shirt, buttoned all the way up to right above where her chest swelled led down to a tight, black pencil skirt. It's length went to just above her knees, showing off toned calves. The entire outfit was topped off by a pair of black high heels that Olivia knew to cost more than a weeks pay. But on Alex, they were priceless.

The grin only grew as she watched Olivia revel in a slow appreciation of the figure that stood before her. Little did she know, most of the dress-up was for her. Ever since she started, a lot of the things Alex did became a little more intense just because of Olivia. Alex thought her silent actions screamed for Olivia to notice her, to pay some more attention to her – and she was right. All it took was a little change of scenery to cause the light bulb in her head to flicker on.

"See something you like, detective?" Alex asked after a few elongated moments, her head tilted and slightly lowered as she studied her over the black framed glasses resting on the bridge of her nose.

"What?" Olivia snapped back to reality. "Oh, yeah. It's beautiful, Alex," she cleared her throat, bringing her eyes up to meet Alex's once again. "Really beautiful."

"Is it too hot in here, Liv?" she asked coolly, setting her briefcase down by the door and kicking off her shoes before she ventured further into the apartment.

"No, why?" she asked, following Alex with her eyes.

"No reason. You just looked a little flush, that's all," she called back while she went into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator, grabbing two beers and removing the bottle caps and letting them fall on the marble counter top.

Olivia couldn't focus on what was happening inside her head. Not that she knew what was happening inside her head, anyway. She was having difficulty sorting out her thoughts as they all came and hit her as hard as a truck, one right after the other. She wasn't sure she wanted to sort them out, or even acknowledge the fact that they existed. Either way, it wasn't the time nor the place. And the way Alex had blatantly picked up on her gawking and sudden flush of red on her cheeks wasn't helping.

"Sooooooo..." Alex called out, her elbows folded and resting on the counter, "are you going to actually come in and hang out or have I frightened you off already?"

"Is that your intentions for this evening?" Olivia asked, regaining some of her composure as she emerged from the hallway. She took the bottle offered to her and settled back against the counter across from Alex.

The ADA took a sip of the beer and set it down on the counter with a smug grin, shaking her head.

"No. Not quite."


	4. Chapter 4

Several hours later Alex and Olivia were sitting on the couch, coming down from another one of the laughing fits they had broken into that night. They had opted on ordering pizza, a secret favorite of Alex's, and had gotten themselves five, almost six drinks deep as the late evening turned into the night and the sun set on New York City. Both of their defenses had come way down since their initial arrival at the apartment, not that either of them had knowingly put any barriers up themselves. As Alex came down from the peal of laughter that had attacked her by surprise, she stretched out on the couch, her feet just barely brushing against Olivia's thigh.

"Oh, why'd you let me eat so much," she groaned, holding her sides that hurt from the laughter and the one too many pieces of pizza she had eaten that night.

"I think you know better than the both of us that you had insisted on finishing the last piece in the box," Olivia informed her, shooting a teasing glare over her way.

With another groan she sat upright and brought her legs in as far as they could come in the tight pencil skirt she was still wearing and wearily rubbed her aching feet with the palms of her hands.

"Please remind me why I choose to wear shoes that kill every single day in that office," she said through gritted teeth.

Olivia had to catch herself, a foolish thought about to form itself into a sentence and leave her lips for Alex to hear. She cleared her throat and took the last sip of beer from her bottle before leaning forwards and setting it on the table, dismissing it entirely.

"Your feet hurt?" she asked, not really needing an answer seeing as Alex's pained expression gave it all away. She scooted a few inches closer to the blonde sitting on the other end of the couch before patting her lap with her hands. "Put 'em here."

"What?" Alex questioned, a curious brow arched at Olivia's order. "You can't possibly be serious," she said through a smile, shaking her head.

"_You_ can't possibly be serious," she retorted, grabbing one of Alex's ankles and settling it in her lap, her thumbs grazing over the bottom of her foot. "You know wearing those things could cause you serious foot problems when you're older," she informed the ADA as she began to press her thumbs roughly into the muscles before pushing them upwards towards her toes.

"Oh, I am older," she replied in another groan, this one laced with pleasure and relief instead of pain.

All was quiet on Olivia's end of the couch as Alex's sudden groans and moans and general sounds of pleasure threw her off-guard. It set feelings off inside of her that she wasn't quite ready for. That she had practically been unaware of. Her thumbs stopped their movements for a moment and her head shot up and over to where Alex was propped up against the arm of the couch, eyes closed and head leaning ever so slightly back in the perfect vision of relaxation. It took a second for Olivia to start the movements back up again, and when she did Alex elicited another soft moan of pleasure which brought a somewhat devious smile to Olivia's face and caused a small fire to begin in her abdomen.

Her attention soon turned to the foot, which soon became feet, rooted in her lap and she paid careful mind as she massaged the porcelain white skin beneath her thumbs roughly before rubbing it smoothly. She soon found delight in the sounds that Alex was making and found herself pushing down on the skin to get deeper to wallow in the noises once more. She allowed her eyes to leave her work to study Alex once more when she caught a glimpse of ice blue that caused her to freeze immediately. So that's why they called her the Ice Queen.

"You're getting pretty into that," Alex said, her voice low and almost hypnotizing as she held her gaze with Olivia. In the span of ten minutes the overall mood of the evening had went from light and happy to something much, much more.

"Says the woman moaning from a foot rub," Olivia shot back, the pressure of her fingers on Alex's feet pushing into them again, but lighter this time.

"I didn't mean it like that," she said with a small smile, her eyes falling down to her feet in Olivia's lap before settling on her face once more. "I meant I like it."

Her voice was quieter. It seemed smaller, yet bigger in some way. She was serious. Olivia could feel Alex's eyes searing into the side of her head. There was something about the way she spoke that wasn't there before. It hadn't been there all night. Olivia could remember hushed conversations late at night in the ADA's office when she heard subtle hints to the now husky tone of the blonde's voice, but she had never let it consume her entirely. Not like this. Olivia couldn't bring herself to look Alex in the eyes. Not when she felt her feet slide from her lap. Not when she felt her inch towards her from the other end of the couch. Not even when she heard her whisper so that it was just above audible in the quiet living room.

"Let me do you."

That simple sentence sent shivers down Olivia's spine. Before she was able to process it entirely in her mind, she felt herself shifting to lie back against the arm of the sofa and bring her feet up into Alex's lap. The sun had set now and the living room was dark, spare the extra light that was coming from the kitchen where they had shared stories and dinner.

She was soft. Gentle. She caressed the bottoms of Olivia's feet with her palms at first, sliding them around to grip the tops of Olivia's feet before her thumbs began running identical motions over the padding of her feet. One foot and then the other.

It started out in inches. Her hands crept up Olivia's feet to her ankles, rubbing over them and allowing her fingers to slide up her pants to brush against the beginning of her calves. Then just a little further up her pants leg, allowing her hands to slide as far up along the smooth skin as the loose garments would allow before back down again.

Olivia fought against the urge to open her eyes as long as she could, but when she felt Alex brush her fingertips over her right knee her eyes flew open. Somewhere between the light and the dark, between all the drinks and the laughter and the eating and the stories, all pretenses had been dropped. At least on Alex's part. Olivia could tell when her eyes finally found Alex's face through the darkness by the small flashes of light bouncing against the lenses of her glasses. They were faced in her direction and in that instant she felt the heavy stare of the woman that owned the wandering hands. She couldn't bring herself to look away. She felt locked by the eyes that she couldn't quite see. Her heart was beating erratically and the second she felt each of Alex's hands rest on one of her legs and slide along the fabric, up and over her knees to reach her thighs, it felt as if it was going to explode.

For just a brief moment her thoughts calmed enough for her to wonder how the woman slowly inching up her body could be so calm. Her mind was, for lack of better words, fuzzy. But she was composed well enough to know when a situation should be causing some sort of rise out of a person. As she sat there with Alex's hands dancing dangerously close to her inner thighs, she couldn't hear any signs of labored breathing. No signs of shaking as she gently brushed her thumbs up Olivia's inner thighs, the tips riding up to trace the creases in Olivia's pants where her thighs met her hips. No hesitance whatsoever.

"Liv," she whispered through the darkness. The only sounds in the living room where the sounds of Olivia's heavy breathing and the soft noises of the couch as Alex shifted herself from a seated position to straddling her lower legs. Her hands pressed into Olivia's thighs as she leaned forward and their lips brushed slightly together. The blonde swept her nose lightly against the detective's and she could feel Olivia's hot breath escape her parted lips.

"Liv," she whispered once more. It became slightly muffled as she wasted no more time and moved in to press her lips against Olivia's. She couldn't resist it any longer. She had left the ball in Olivia's court for how long now? But the detective was too pig-headed to make a move. Too blind to what was standing right in front of her. Daily. And now Alex Cabot was going to take something that she truly wanted. Alex could never deny herself something she had desired for so long and so deeply when it was sitting right in front of her on her couch in a dark living room. In other words, the setting was perfect and once she felt how hesitant Olivia had become, she felt it was time to take matters into her own hands.

Olivia was stunned by the kiss at first. The sudden contact of Alex's lips on her's. But just as Alex's almost primitive moans, it caused the fire burning deep in Olivia's abdomen to make itself known once more. And when Alex finally broke the kiss, Olivia couldn't help but gasp loudly not only from the oxygen she had been deprived of, but because Alex's lips were now paying special attention to her sensitive neck.

"You don't know how long I've been waiting for this," Alex whispered, her lips brushing ever so lightly up against Olivia's earlobe and her breath hot as she spoke. She began to place small kisses along Olivia's jawline and had slowly crept her hand up the detective's torso to grasp a handful of Benson breast when she felt Olivia jerk beneath her.

_This_, she thought to herself upon hearing the words in her ear. _This_, it came again, more panicked than before. "What is this? What are we doing, Alex?" she asked quietly at first, all the thoughts that had been clouded in her mind now rushing back at her full speed.

"Shh," Alex cooed, kissing her way to the other side of Olivia's face, making a trail along her jawline and her chin, before dipping down to the crook of her neck to sink teeth into flesh.

"No, Alex." It was stronger this time. But even so, Alex could hear the fear in Olivia's voice.

"Wha-" Alex was at a loss for words as she sat back on her heels, searching through the darkness for an answer that she knew she wouldn't receive.

"No. We can't- I can't-" Olivia began scrambling to get off the couch, away from Alex. Away from this whole mess.

Without warning she shot up from the couch and sped into the kitchen, grabbing her shoes that were placed on the floor by the counter top where she left them before snatching her coat from the coat rack. She was a mess as she threw her shoes on the floor and rushed to get into them. She tried her best to not become a strangled mess as she put her jacket on, feeling her cell phone secure in her pocket. She reached for the door. She didn't know what exactly she was doing, but she knew she had to leave. Whatever was about to happen between them wasn't going to end with anything good. They were going to cause something horrible that wouldn't just effect their personal lives, but their work lives and quite possibly their co-workers if it spread far enough. Whatever it was.

"Liv, you don't have to go," Alex called out after her, still in her position on the couch. "Please, Liv. I'm sorry," she practically pleaded. Her words seemed to go unheard and soon she heard her front door slamming and heavy footsteps leading away from her door.

Alex fell back, her feet bending under her weight so she was now a few inches shorter as she sat up on the couch.

"Shit," she sighed breathlessly, head hanging low, left alone in her apartment for a sleepless night to replay the scene in her head over and over again. To figure out where she had gone wrong.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN:** I apologize for the lack of updates going on with this! Living the life of a musician has it's tolls, and now that it's fall rehearsals are starting to pick up and I'm finding I have less time to myself, thus leaving me even less time for writing. Here's a small update, I'm hoping to have another one up in a week or so :)

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It had been a week. Eight days, actually, if Alex was remembering correctly. As the Special Victim's Unit had gained quite a few new and chaotic cases which led to the successful capture of a serial rapist and murderer, but left everyone with little time for small talk and even less for personal thoughts. And for Alex Cabot, it was just what she needed to momentarily forget her careless actions involving Olivia Benson and seek the safe confines of her office where she assumed the role of impenetrable. A true force to be reckoned with. Nobody could break her down or see through her. It was only when she assumed this persona that she felt safe. Confident. Cut off from the rest of the world. Emotionless. Here to do her job, nothing more nothing less. That's what she always did. Until she came along and got under her skin, somewhere along the lines. Alex wasn't sure of where.

Secrets are easy to keep when you don't have friends. Nobody to connect with on a different level to give you that overwhelming urge to share. Alex learned this early on in college and had adopted a non-stop air of professionalism early on in her career. When she first started working with SVU, that professionalism was easy. By that time, it was second nature. Olivia was changing that, whether she was aware of it or not. Alex was quick to crumble under the detective's passionate and intent stares that always fell on her. Be it a search warrant or a trivial reason to hold someone until they could find proper evidence, Alex always gave Olivia what she wanted. She could never stop herself. As their work relationship continued, Alex found herself continually amazed by the detective. She was drawn to her. And in her admiration for Olivia and the way she worked, she soon began to admire other things about her. Things she hadn't bothered to notice before. Her admiration led to an undeniable attraction to Olivia and as they became closer outside of work, she was finding her secret more difficult to hide.

Though, she couldn't really consider it a secret anymore now that she'd gone an outed herself to the object of her affections. Her own lack of discretion astounded and embarrassed her, and she had been infinitely grateful to find the first interaction between her and the detective regarding the first case that had dropped in their laps to be nothing less than professional. She didn't know why she expected otherwise. Olivia had called her multiple times the day after their occurrence. A voicemail pleading for Alex to answer her phone. Another stating that they needed to talk. She had taken an effort to make it clear that she didn't hate her. Alex had planned to return the phone calls, really. She just... got caught up with work. At least, that's what she told herself. It wasn't anything personal towards Olivia. The feelings Alex had before she foolishly made her move had not changed. But she buried them deep, hiding them away for the time being just as she had in the beginning. The ADA knew it was only a matter of time until they found their way to the top again, causing her to do something else to further her embarrassment. Distance. That was the key.

For Olivia, distance was becoming the problem.

The time that passed only caused her to become frustrated. Almost intolerable. Eight days of virtually no contact – none that she would have liked, at least – and she had become so irritable nobody wanted to deal with her. Cragen had actually threatened to send her home if she didn't tone it down. Getting a scolding from dad was the last thing that she needed, sending her into a silent fury. She sat at her desk, obviously irritated, antsy for something to come her way and take her mind off of things.

Almost out of habit, she found herself reaching for her phone and pressing the call button once Alex's name was highlighted on the screen. It didn't surprise her when it was sent to voicemail after a few rings. It only frustrated her more. She groaned and threw her phone on her desk, silently scolding herself for calling her again, eliciting a likewise groan from Elliot who looked up at his partner.

"Alright, what's goin' on?" he asked more out of annoyance than concern.

"Just... mind your own business, El. Okay?" Olivia replied, putting her hand up as she spoke before letting it fall onto her desk, next to her phone.

"That's what I've been doing for the past week," he began, getting up from his desk to walk over to Olivia's. "But when it start's affecting the job and my partner, it becomes my problem too." His eyes burned into Olivia. She knew what he was doing. Trying to read her. The same thing she did while talking to suspects or a victim that she felt was hiding something.

"C'mon, Liv. Talk," he pushed further. He was a damn good detective and was even better when it came to his partner. He sat back as a silent observer until he saw his moment to swoop in and get Olivia to open up to him and talk it out. Being around her as much as he was, it didn't take long for him to catch on to what was wrong, but assumptions never sat well with Olivia when she was involved; that he found out fast. He would just sit back and let her talk, just as he always did.

There were a few long moments of silence between them filled with various chatter and ringing phones before Olivia sighed, now with defeat.

"I seem to be in the doghouse with the work wife," she said before her mind could even register it. It was perfect to describe her situation with Alex without giving anything too personal away, and when she saw Elliot's amused look she couldn't help but laugh.

"Well I sure as hell know how that is," he told her earnestly.

Olivia looked at Elliot, trying to convey the seriousness of the situation and all that had happened with just a look. And although Elliot couldn't say that he understood exactly what was going on between them, he could sense that it was serious. It was taking an obvious toll on his partner and she had enough on her plate daily the way it was with all the horrible things they were forced to process each day.

"Go," Elliot finally said with a nod of his head. Olivia responded with a laugh.

"Go _where_, El?" she asked, sitting back in her chair.

"Listen, I don't know what exactly happened between you two and I know that's not my business, but it doesn't look too good. So, go talk to her. I'll cover 'til you get back," he told her, leaning in and lowering his voice simply out of respect for the other detective's personal affairs; whatever they may be.

She looked doubtful for a moment, but her features softened when she realized that he was giving her a perfect opportunity to do what she had been wanting to for the past week. If she found Alex in her office, she'd have her cornered and she would have to talk. Olivia was certain that she didn't deserve the ADA's attention after the way she had acted, and part of her didn't blame Alex for ignoring her the way she was, but they had to talk about it and the time seemed to have come. She offered Elliot a small smile before swiping her phone off the desk and standing.

"Thanks," she said quietly, hovering for a moment.

"Go," Elliot told her again, louder and stronger this time.

"Alright, I'm going!" she shot back, left no other choice but to begin her short travel to the ADA's office.  
–

Olivia nervously rapped her knuckles against the glass of the door before her that read "ASSISTANT DISTRICT ATTORNEY ALEXANDRA CABOT." Even her name on the door seemed intimidating. There was a rustle of papers. She heard Alex clear her throat. Her hand hovered before the doorknob and in those few moments she felt the familiar urge to turn and walk away as fast as she could. The ADA had the uncanny ability to unnerve her without any effort. And there it was, before she even had the chance to retract her hand.

"Come in."

Alex's eyes were fixated on the door and when Olivia entered her eyes gave way to her surprise and maybe even discomfort that her presence was causing. Olivia always read Alex through her eyes. Though she quickly composed herself, straightening up in her chair, her glasses perched on her nose. Perfect. As always.

"Detective, what can I do for you?" she asked coolly. As Olivia ventured further into her office, she nodded towards one of the chairs in front of her desk. Olivia took the vacant seat and silence fell over them, utter silence, in which their eyes became locked and Alex got lost. Olivia's gaze was always intense. Just something that came along with the package. But this time it was different. There was something else there. Something new.

"You can stop ignoring me, for starters."

Alex sighed. Laughed. Shook her head as if she didn't understand. "Detective you're currently sitting in my office and unless I'm mistaken we're currently speaking, so I'm not quite sure what you mean by ignoring you," she spoke, her voice strong and certain with just that little hint of condescending amusement that caused so many people to write Alex off without giving her a chance.

"So what, your phone just decides to shut off each time I call? Y'know, I don't blame you for ignoring me the first few times but if you'd have just answered the damn phone you would have known that I've actually been trying to apologize, Alex." Her eyes bore into Alex as she dove into the dreaded subject of that night. She refused to look away or back down. That was not who she was, which made her question why she had reacted the way she did even more. "I don't know why I did what I did, but I do know that you didn't deserve that. I just... God, Alex. I'm so sorry. And it would mean the world if you could forgive me."

Unexpected was the only word Alex could think of to describe the speech that Olivia had just made. The only thing she could do was to sit and stare. If she wasn't already feeling bad for ignoring the detective for the past few days, she definitely was now. The silence that had fallen between them was deafening. It was her turn to speak, Olivia had made that perfectly clear. And for once, she was rendered speechless. And in a moment that so desperately needed some comic relief, Olivia was quick to pick up on the other woman's silence.

"Alexandra Cabot at a loss for words... this is one for the history books."

Alex sat there for a moment, her mouth slightly agape. It slowly transformed into a small smile and with another moment she had released a quiet laugh. This elicited a smile and a laugh from Olivia as well as she leaned back in her chair, finally relaxing. The tension had been broken with laughter that they both so desperately needed after the week they had gone through and as it died down, Olivia sucked her bottom lip into her mouth, her head slightly tilted, looking at Alex with a smile in her eyes.

"Does that mean you forgive me?" she asked, feeling the need for confirmation that they were okay. As far as she was concerned, the conversation was far from over – they had just begun to dive into the subject – but what was most important was that she gained Alex's forgiveness. To know that Alex wasn't mad at her for what she did.

"Yes. Of course," Alex finally replied as if it was the most ridiculous question that she had heard.

"So... are you gonna tell me why you've been ignoring me or am I going to have to force it out of you?" Olivia asked curiously, adding the last bit on in hopes to ease Alex into the situation.

That was not the effect, however. And for a brief moment Alex retreated to a place in her mind that held a familiar scenario that was so hot, the blonde instantly felt her cheeks flush. Another moment of uncomfortable silence was enough to allow Olivia to register what, exactly, she had said. _No time like the present_, Olivia thought.

"Counselor, are you attracted to me?"

"Yes."


End file.
